Because a friend of mine has encouraged me to participate in the paper cuts event, I have decided to create a poetry zine for Steak Knife Poetry. Thanks to her encouragement I finished writing my story.
I needed to do that, not just for me, but for other people, because not all women are just getting raped in college. We are getting raped in desperate situations, as children, by their husbands, etc. And it doesn’t just affect women, it affects men too. Rape is an action of using sex as a weapon, not for pleasure, but for control. I have no empathy for rapists, felons, and criminals. I have deeper disdain for people who violate trust of an intimate relationship. Mine was a stranger, and I think that makes it easier to recover honestly. Deep down inside I wish them the worst possible pain imaginable. I don’t think that will ever change. And It’s not up to me, that’s for god to decide, and people in roles of delivering justice, I’m out, I can’t be an angel all the time. Knowing the pain I have suffered from people playing gods. I just don’t care about their quality of life, we need to have stronger and better justice. Honestly, we need more cops, I have discovered the overload that cops go through after talking to some just in social settings, and they are overworked and underpaid.
The more I thought of it the more I can’t miss out on participating in this. I have to do this. It has reminded me to finish some things I need to finish in regards to the book. And help me decide how much of a survivor I want to be. It is scary as fuck to put this out into the world. I know that people will try and shut me down, keep me quiet, try and shut my mouth for talking about such a “taboo” subject, talk about things people don’t want to hear about because their world has to stay pristine and perfect. But that is why people are getting away with it. Nobody wants to talk about it, nobody understands how to handle it. So I will do this, and create a work that will be an offering to consider the importance of denial and how that affects people.
And as I write this I am reminded I need to include articles and resources for people to use. Not just vent about the rape, and my experience of recovery, but also include educational information to teach people what to do.
But also there is the fact that there will be some really awesome work there, really cool work, and I’m not alone in creating things in regards to my inner demons, or pain, hopes or dreams. There will be all sorts of cool zines to look at, and that makes me excited to see so many people’s perspectives and voices in one place.
I plan to bring my collage books, and other hand-made books to show as well. Like the one I made at Penland School of Arts & Crafts.