I felt it. I did a ritual that i do when i cant let something go. I write it down on paper, and i set it aflame. I ask for gods guidance and direction. I focus my mind not on specific results, and i truly center myself to set it free, I ask for joy and compassion for myself and all living things.
And something shifted. Something i’ve been praying about for years shifted. And when that release occured i was overcome with love and gratitude to the universe, to the holy presence that is god, i havent felt this connection in myself for years.
I felt better. And i dont want to jinx anything. But i am thankful to have forgiveness grace my heart.
Even in all this madness that has been my life for a while. I found a peace inside i havent felt for such a long time. I have new inspiration, and i realized why i have been so unmotivated for such a long time.
My mind has been consumed with the trauma, my life has been consumed by one stressful situation to another. And its not worth living like this anymore. I pray for freedom. I want my spirit to shine through again.
I hope it happens for you too. Whatever is holding you back or down. I hope you find your peace in life, pursue it, and live your passion.
I’m both discovering who i am and reconnecting with who i was so to speak. Getting reconnected with my intuition.
I have a man at this time i’m so grateful to have in my life. We actually talk through things. He has had therapy so he knows what i’m talking about. It’s nice. Although learning to trust each other is awkward. I am strangely afraid by it, because its been a long time, its been a long time somebody has cared about me. And i’m fucking terrified. Because what if he bails. What if another guy finds another reason to use the rape as an excuse. I cant take it much more of getting my hopes up and it always going south so quickly.