Preparing for new year

So its a new year. 

New car, new computer, new camera. Going to focus on new job next. Finances rehash. Move within next year. 

I have let go of a relationship. When someone has anger, and directs that anger towards me as a scapegoat, i don’t have patience for it. 

If someone is going to respond and make assumptions. Not treat a sotuation like a relationship. Then its already over. If someone is going to fuck with my heart, they are gone, and good riddance. 

I have spent some time re-evaluating, researching, and double checking my information with other people to verify and confirm, despite my knowledge, i had reservations and doubts. 

Regardless, i’m going to be single. Not gling to make efforts to look. Not going to allow myself to get played. I’ve noticed when i speak up about potentially strange or awkward behavior in a non-confrontational way, i get further attempts at being played. Or verbally accosted. 

My ex i found out had been sleeping with another woman in february. I filed the restraining order to end the relationship once and for all in June. All the shit talking and accusations of cheating. It doesnt matter. I was being fucked over from the second month of our relationship. 

And that was the longest relationship i had since HB. So no worries. But the thing is, as a crime victim, i have to be more cautious. My vulnerability is a fragile state, that predators seem to sniff out. So as an effort to protect myself i am deciding single is better. I may date, but not looking for a commitment. But if it happens, it happens. Just need to protect my heart. Been burned too often. 

Emotionally invested….because i was in a relationship, he told me i was at fault because i was emotionally invested. Fuck you LJ. Just fuck you. 

Calous and inappropriate. Probably just another dude fucking other people already too. God what a fucking loser. Fucking with peoples minds and hearts to get payback for his issues. 

But regardless, i got rid of the car that broke-down and got me raped. 

Good feeling right now. 

Happy. 

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