In 2016 I had to make a choice in regards to certain people, and double my efforts in my recovery process, for myself. I have been going to group therapy. In the past year now, I’ve been waking up and reading a daily reader every morning. I found this article poignant today.

But what is mature behavior? Obviously the answer is different for each of us, but exploring the question can help me to identify my goals and apply the recovery program as I seek to change this behavior. To me, maturity includes:

  • Knowing myself

  • Asking for help when I need it and acting on my own when I don’t.

  • Admitting when I’m wrong and making amends.

  • Accepting love from others, even if I’m having a tough time loving myself.

  • Recognizing that I always have choices, and taking responsibility for the ones I make.

  • Seeing that life is a blessing.

  • Having an opinion without insisting that others share it.

  • Forgiving myself and others.

  • Recognizing my shortcomings and my strengths.

  • Having the courage to live one day at a time.

  • Acknowledging that my needs are my responsibility.

  • Caring for people without having to take care of them.

  • Accepting that I’ll never be finished-I’ll always be a work-in-progress.

Part of my problem is establishing and maintaining healthy boundaries. I think that I may be able to mediate or handle a chaotic situation. This is my error in thinking. It doesn’t matter if my motives are positive or optimistic. Some people don’t think that way. I have to establish boundaries, and say no, and when someone does not honor my boundary, I have choices on how to handle the situation.

Each situation is different. Some warrant more severe measures, and some do not. I must have the wear with all to be able to pull myself back, reach out and talk to other people for an unbiased perspective, and get feedback when I am in a state of emotional turmoil, or confusion. I can pray, I can journal, I can read and educate myself on the subject.

And to handle the situation, I can say no. And that is enough. Some peoples assumptions of my motives, are just that, assumptions. And when people expect you to act in a certain way, and you don’t. You changed the rules, you changed the game, and you are saying, no, I’m not going to allow this to be important enough anymore. Or you say, this treatment was unacceptable, now it’s time to stop, or else.

The truth is the error in judgment is looking at it like a game. Games are entertainment, and setting boundaries is not entertainment, it is people’s lives. If the person is going to look at you as if this is some sort of game, then they have the mentality bordering a sociopath. And those people you just walk away from.

Part of it is also understanding consequences. Work smarter, not harder. Take care of yourself, be good to yourself during times of high stress, do whatever you can.


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