Getting healthier

I’m going to employ all that i’ve learned about boundaries. But as i have learned the and this trial and error process has revealed to me, the hard way, and the years i’ve had in therapy, i need to take further steps and actions to protect myself from unsafe people. Emotional or physical detachment is also good, and i’m not perfect, but i’m living and trying.

Here is another great photo i keep on me for a self check, and talk out with friends. And i also look for these signs in me, because having been in an abusive relationship before I must accept that trying to navigate out of it has affected me. I am the type of person that assumes the best out of people, but i know there are some you can trust and some you can not, and i’m too trusting. This has gotten me into trouble. I also don’t read people right, because some behavior could be a rouse. I have to look at the facts, and analyze, whether the words meet the actions.

The for an example is i’m willing to stop an unhealthy conversation when it’s starting to go nowhere. I also know not everyone knows how to communicate, and when i start using health communication, its foreign to people. I look at where i didn’t communicate my needs well at the beginning. And if it is not making me feel good, or heard, or listened to, i need to back off, be in my body, and focus on my needs instead of people pleasing.

I can not justify bad behavior out of myself. I just can not. I also don’t want to bring my shit to the table to prevent a healthy relationship that I want. I know the healthy me is waking up and present and sometimes i have been out of practice just being that part of myself and i feel myself snapping out of getting caught in control wars. I have choices. I can choose to react or i can choose to get better.

Life has been bringing me tests, and i’m going to do the best i can for myself as well as others. And i have slips sometimes trying to please others instead of honoring myself, not paying attention to whats going on, and just because i see similarities between someone else does not mean they have done the hard work to look at themselves, go to therapy, open themselves up to remove the negativity that they hold in, or admit they have a problem. I have had some things present themselves to me of where i have a problem and my mistakes, and i’m going to try and address those lovingly and be as good to myself as i can be.

It’s hard work to get better. But, the most important thing is to do it with love. Love is the sanctuary that god offers as a gift, and i’m all about that, and i know i have it in myself, and i love me enough to say that.

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