Male Machinist

Male Machinist

Can’t undo the damage done

I just keep trying to fix it

but like a broken plate

a record

I’m broken into pieces

shattered

ashes to the wind

dead before living

dead before trying

never lying

always telling the truth

so much it hurts me more than I can stand

so I can fit in someone’s brand

branding me with his pen and ink

on my back

I’m the one to hate

I’m the only one to hate

when it isn’t true.

diagnose her

make her shut up about it

deny it

blame her

say the problems her

this is part of her evil plan

she must be evil.

she must be the evil one

the lilith

the snake charmer

she must be the evil one

afraid to live

afraid to die

afraid to make the wrong move

say the wrong thing

do the wrong thing

public shamed

she shamed herself

it’s all her fault

always her fault

always my fault

for trying to recover and get better

do better

like a machine

but I’m organic

not a machine

closer to the Machinist

than anything else I’ve ever done.

Make her the liar

not the truth speaker

make her the liar

nobody reads your shit anyways

honey

nobody pays attention to you anyways

you are vulnerable

thinking you are safe

and we will snatch you up black widow style

cause you should have trusted us.

miscommunication breakdown abounds

and Im left to make sense of it

and not get terrified in my heart alone

cause I’m introverted

and try to process emotions through art

writing

talking

poetry

doesn’t matter what you do honey

they are going to sting you

for being you

it’s easy, you make it so easy honey

social media

social work

social interaction

social destruction

feel the burn baby burn

don’t try not to die trying

because we will fix it for you

but you did it yourself

you were vulnerable

you tried to trust people

it’s your fault

not ours, we did nothing wrong

just made you look at yourself

take a goooooood haaaarrrrdddd loooooook at yourself

the writing is on the wall.

Your dead girl walking honey

even if you know it,

you are dead girl walking honey

just like before

this is our town.

we don’t value you anymore

we did once, but YOU changed

not us,

you are the problem

not us,

You got problems

you are crazy

you are alice

because we say so

nothing happened to you

it’s all in your head

not PTSD, not the telephone ringing

they are hunting for you.

been hunting you down.

for not getting over your rape in 2013.

for not getting over it like a machine

good luck begging for change

because we don’t want you to make it out alive

we will play games as long as it takes

because that’s the shape of our hearts

our spades

our clubs

and our diamonds

Good luck not dying girl

cause what happened to you makes US uncomfortable

even if you haven’t done anything wrong

except the abortion

but the future is our oyster,

and you are putty in our hands

clay.

 

 

 

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