Love speaking here-me-my voice-my mind-my soul

The Bible is really unhealthy to read by yourself. So is a lot of what has been going on. Draw the circle? Dudes. This is why I couldn’t read the Bible. I need positive help. Same with Al-Anon and as, it’s all black and white. Heaven/hell. Sin/innocence.

I have prayed for gods forgiveness, so much. I am a sinner, but what type of sinner? I drank, I had sex, I was tempted by evil and they did what evil doers do in the name of heaven or the name of evil. That is taking the lords name in vain. That is taking peoples lives and destroying them. Me as well, but nothing I did was deliberate, I realized I was so desperate to be loved, I abstain, but I still need gods love, and forgiveness from being terrified from crime victimization. I was innocent as a child, I was innocent when I was raped in 2013. and I view the world from optimism, because that is a true child/woman/man of god and that gets me hurt, I view the world from love, and that gets me hurt, I give, and then I see people take wrong actions, act abusive or do the wrong thing, and I can’t act like I’m okay with it, get convinced to do it to myself. That’s not godly, but there is a separation between church and state. And you think i’m the evil satanic force or possibly a sociopath Does this make sense? I have no ill intentions and I don’t need excuses or reasons to be cruel to be kind. Be kind. That’s understanding me, as much as you don’t want to believe it. You are asking the wrong person. I may die a martyr, but at least I did the right thing by telling the truth about my child abuse, the rape, just abuse in general and that it’s not our (other survivors who have been abused) faults who don’t have the same disease as them in reference to sexuality. Please stop making it hArder for me to recover. This is my life. And I’m just going to speak from my heart, mind body, and soul. Instead of what other people have been trying to do to me.

With love,carrie Carolyn anne crocker moon Flower. I am love, I am myself, I am self-love not self-obsession. It’s my life and I deserve to live life without fear.

I was almost taken into human trafficking, and I do not want to go through it again, I want peace and love and certainty, I am a hopeless romantic, I love compassion, nurturing, being good to people, But I have flashbacks when triggered by similar experiences. Stop messing with my car, stop messing with my life, step messing with me, this isn’t a game, this is life, reality, and I can’t file for bankruptcy again. and I need support from my community to be there for me, not against me. I have dreams, and I need to make wise decisions about my finances and have a future! Because I deserve it. God forgive them for the evil that they have done, and help them where they need to be, but I am not the enemy, All I do and all I ever try to do, is be a friend and a good person. I want my life back on my side. The side of that’s wrong, unlawful, immoral, etc. etc. I’m a little bit christian, a little bit buddhist, I am philosophical, I am too old to have to explain this, I’m 35 and I can’t even use my degrees I spent so many years trying to overcome blaming me, victimizing me, and hurting me because some people think I’m somebody I’m not.

The medications I was on, everything, fucked me up in the head. so did the trauma, but I can not and I will not stand by without help to actually help me who don’t have my back. And I need those people to reveal themselves to me. Cause this is a very serious situation. I have had my life on the line for far too long.

 

This is my wish, my prayer and my desire for myself. Let me live a good life.

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