Expression of recent anger-not happy

YOU ARE A REALLY FUCKED UP ALCOHOLIC! THAT WAS FUCKING DISGUSTING WHAT YOU FUCKING DID TO ME YOU EGOMANIAC PSYCHOPATHS!

 

“YOU know him very carefully?” No wonder I backed into that car?! You guys and gals thought I was lying. ]

 

 

I recently went through dating violence again in 2017. So this is a complete disorganized mess again.

What its like living with flashbacks and having your PTSD re-triggered by getting raped again by constant inquisitiveness into my close personal information of surviving attempted human trafficking, and attempted murder, along with getting raped up the ass violently trying to escape the psycho mother fucker. This Has not been fun or funny for me. Stop raping me: mind, body and soul (and financially). I literally flinch physically. And when someone starts coming at me aggressively, I get mad and scared (this is normal, did you know that, that’s what  fear tactics create) at being bullied, harassed, and abused and misused and having my trust violated this way. I’ve lost my job again, thanks to curiosity of complete strangers and sexual harassment after returning and being of service as a christian, trying to give hope and help in another country and returning to America. Do you know how there are people in America who go through this too, and it’s not our fault either?

Your anti-depressants caused that creation. Medical mistreatment! Of a healthy person who cries.

This has really fucking hurt my feelings (and I cry about it) regularly, almost every day, sometimes 4-5 times a day. Thanks. And I may be a christian, but I still fucking cuss at assholes! I’m not you’re fucking toy or slave to abuse and crucify because somebody fucked up and try to say I was a god damn prostitute! COCKSUCKERS! He stole my last $400 dollars,  he is a third level sex offender. HE CUT ME WITH AN OUTBACK STEAK KNIFE-I remember, I’ve used one before eating at Outback when life was more normal and happy.

I get mental images and flashes of imagery of previous experiences flash in my head. I flinch.

And you know what else? I got raped again upon my return from Africa by a guy who was just waiting for the opportunity to use that experience against me. Because that is what abusive men do who hate women! So what did I do? I TOLD THE COPS AND REPORTED IT LIKE YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO DO! That’s what you do.

Now, I need to get employed thank you for fucking with my life AGAIN! (NOT!) I’m A FUCKING WOMAN ASSHOLES SHOW SOME REPECT!

I don’t love criminals, I FUCKING HATE THEM! Channel your anger into a healthy form, I keep trying to do that, and people keep trying to deny that I know how to show care and concern. I actually love people, but my loving heart/voice keeps getting lost in the tone.

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Hornets Nests

Maybe

Aster

A Gas Particle

We are what We are

Everything is connected

I will not be

just one person

not this me

an action of contrition

I believe

somebody & somebody else

vibrate love

we are all just pawns

between light

& black holes

& everything in between

Atoms electrons & energy

each has their own

taste

& I’m tired

of attracting

your decay.

It is time to

drive the devil out.

Hand to my forehead

“You are healed sister mary & jospeh

feel the power of god

you are saved!”

Seriously?

Snake Bites!

what the fuck?!

still flowing

still going

you have got

to be

kidding me!

bubbles

above my head

eyebrow raised

stoic face

“Save me Jesus!”

 

 

me too

I hear you

just a different vibration a different

direction from

                    where

           your

going

left

right

up

 

 

 

 

 

 

down

 

Stuck in this body

trapped

give it time

be patient

where is my destination

“sacriliage

your going to hell

Heritic!”

fuck my life

shak’n my head

you want some chicken?

I’m ending this

conversation

on my soul.

body language

never read

nothing

wil

ever

work or please you

I’m done.

emotional vertigo

save my life!

such a huge argument

dropping the bomb

atomic warfare

like a tornado

picking up

dorothy’s house

keeps pulling

pulling

pulling

gettign the weed

double speak

double meanings

gardening?

what does she mean?

encrypted

like

the

 

“who has the key to the code?”

him

“Him

Who?”

 

my lover

tore my heart

my mind

my life

apart!

 

“you got options.”

“So do we!”

my fear thinks

speaks

reacts

slight of hand

“TAKE HER DOWN!”

I know I write that phone number down

I don’t know who’s it is.

AGAIN!

 

So many places

so many faces

“Get some!”

slight of hand

pull the petals

he loves me

he loves me not.

reading people’s minds

their reactions.

Am I right?

or am I wrong?

Suicide!

“Die Bitch Die!”

“RAPE HER AGAIN!”

until she gets it this time………hehehehe evil grins

Cheshire cats of mice and men

Welcome to Hotel California

Welcome to HELL on earth.

for women like you.

So many faces

so many places

whirlwind tornadoes

back again

who are you

where are you

just love me again just love me again wish make a wish this is my foundation stop pulling me apart

“there is no home.”

“Can I come home now?!”

“Not for you not anymore.”

Dementia nope just crying out loud I am just crying out loud from the pain!

“for crying out loud!”

“I hate you!”

everywhere

another rock star

another dark star

“he left you

he hit you

hurt you.” LEAVE ME ALONE!

he doesn’t love you.”

We hurt you out of love.”

 

gnats flies

buzzlebub

bezzelebub

same fucking god damn name.

 

goodbye

Dead

Fucking

Dame

Cause that’s your name now.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Went through dating violence

So I went through dating violence again. I’m not a survivor anymore or right now. Quit my job because he is connected with my old job. Happened in three different places in the state. I am back to being a victim of sexual assault and dating violence.

Nobody will believe me I’m sure, as normal.

Blame me for it, because I was stupid enough to try and meet a nice guy that would treat me right. Instead he acted like he was a nice guy, but he was just grooming me and trying to make me be the problem. Like everyone else tries to do with my empathy. Use me and abuse me, like I want it?! No dudes and dudettes, I do not like being harmed. That would be called normal.

Fuck my life, severely depressed, broke, filled with anxiety. Doesn’t matter, cause everyone thinks I lied about what happened in 2013-and coming back to Arkansas has been excruciating, and trying to just survive life.

I’m not okay. Things have been happening again like I’ve experienced in Arkansas, it’s a dangerous place.

A lot of crap has been going on, similar to what I went through, and I’m sick and tired of it, my brain literally hurts, and my heart is broken. shattered into little pieces. People treating me like a doll, and not being humane to me. I can’t take this anymore. It hurts so much.