Cease and Desist DID NOT WORK!

nope didn’t work, just went at me at a different/similar angle.

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Went through dating violence

So I went through dating violence again. I’m not a survivor anymore or right now. Quit my job because he is connected with my old job. Happened in three different places in the state. I am back to being a victim of sexual assault and dating violence.

Nobody will believe me I’m sure, as normal.

Blame me for it, because I was stupid enough to try and meet a nice guy that would treat me right. Instead he acted like he was a nice guy, but he was just grooming me and trying to make me be the problem. Like everyone else tries to do with my empathy. Use me and abuse me, like I want it?! No dudes and dudettes, I do not like being harmed. That would be called normal.

Fuck my life, severely depressed, broke, filled with anxiety. Doesn’t matter, cause everyone thinks I lied about what happened in 2013-and coming back to Arkansas has been excruciating, and trying to just survive life.

I’m not okay. Things have been happening again like I’ve experienced in Arkansas, it’s a dangerous place.

A lot of crap has been going on, similar to what I went through, and I’m sick and tired of it, my brain literally hurts, and my heart is broken. shattered into little pieces. People treating me like a doll, and not being humane to me. I can’t take this anymore. It hurts so much.

Blah……

I’m struggling again.

Betrayal happened.

I just can’t win.

Had to get on antidepressants again. New kind. Still suicidal ideation. But no i don’t WANT to die. Just want to be happy, have a logical reason, while people treat me like the pink elephant in the room. Or treat me like i’m crazy. I am not safe here. I’ve known it for years. Not after william stole my phone with my contacts in it. He said he’d kill me, and i don’t think he just wanted to kill me either. So i did what i could to keep people safe. Even people not my family anymore. But who cares! My life is shit as usual and no matter what i do, it’ll never be enough. Ever!

Sorry if you never understood. Sorry you didn’t appreciate it. Not sorry because it was the Adult thing to do.

So tired of being treated like i’m stupid. Rape culture is real. Hope i don’t die from it.

Sick of this shit! Like i am not aware of what is going on. It’s killing me inside. Slowly like always.

Work being used at Florida Gulf Coast University exhibition

I just received notification through my Etsy store that my work is going to be used for an exhibition on rape culture via artist books and zines.

I cried my heart out. I recently began sponsoring a child in Kenya, and there are other things going on that scare me that I won’t be able to support her, or myself. And a phone call caused more harm than good in regards to my job.

Regardless,

I’m going to see if the other zine we worked on may be included or sent to them for free. I’m waiting for feed back to set it up. I want to go so bad! img_98781-e1513410311695.jpg

Depression, PTSD, and Other Mental Health Conditions in the Workplace: Your Legal Right

A great article for individuals suffering from PTSD for trauma from sexual assault.

https://www.eeoc.gov

If you have depression, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), or another mental health condition, you are protected against discrimination and harassment at work because of your condition, you have workplace privacy rights, and you may have a legal right to get reasonable accommodations that can help you perform and keep your job. The following questions and answers briefly explain these rights, which are provided by the Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA). You may also have additional rights under other laws not discussed here, such as the Family and Medical Leave Act (FMLA) and various medical insurance laws.

1. Is my employer allowed to fire me because I have a mental health condition?

No. It is illegal for an employer to discriminate against you simply because you have a mental health condition. This includes firing you, rejecting you for a job or promotion, or forcing you to take leave.

An employer doesn’t have to hire or keep people in jobs they can’t perform, or employ people who pose a “direct threat” to safety (a significant risk of substantial harm to self or others). But an employer cannot rely on myths or stereotypes about your mental health condition when deciding whether you can perform a job or whether you pose a safety risk. Before an employer can reject you for a job based on your condition, it must have objective evidence that you can’t perform your job duties, or that you would create a significant safety risk, even with a reasonable accommodation (see Question 3).

2. Am I allowed to keep my condition private?

In most situations, you can keep your condition private. An employer is only allowed to ask medical questions (including questions about mental health) in four situations:

  • When you ask for a reasonable accommodation (see Question 3).
  • After it has made you a job offer, but before employment begins, as long as everyone entering the same job category is asked the same questions.
  • When it is engaging in affirmative action for people with disabilities (such as an employer tracking the disability status of its applicant pool in order to assess its recruitment and hiring efforts, or a public sector employer considering whether special hiring rules may apply), in which case you may choose whether to respond.
  • On the job, when there is objective evidence that you may be unable to do your job or that you may pose a safety risk because of your condition.

You also may need to discuss your condition to establish eligibility for benefits under other laws, such as the FMLA. If you do talk about your condition, the employer cannot discriminate against you (see Question 5), and it must keep the information confidential, even from co-workers. (If you wish to discuss your condition with coworkers, you may choose to do so.)

3. What if my mental health condition could affect my job performance?

You may have a legal right to a reasonable accommodation that would help you do your job. A reasonable accommodation is some type of change in the way things are normally done at work. Just a few examples of possible accommodations include altered break and work schedules (e.g., scheduling work around therapy appointments), quiet office space or devices that create a quiet work environment, changes in supervisory methods (e.g., written instructions from a supervisor who usually does not provide them), specific shift assignments, and permission to work from home.

You can get a reasonable accommodation for any mental health condition that would, if left untreated, “substantially limit” your ability to concentrate, interact with others, communicate, eat, sleep, care for yourself, regulate your thoughts or emotions, or do any other “major life activity.” (You don’t need to actually stop treatment to get the accommodation.)

Your condition does not need to be permanent or severe to be “substantially limiting.”  It may qualify by, for example, making activities more difficult, uncomfortable, or time-consuming to perform compared to the way that most people perform them. If your symptoms come and go, what matters is how limiting they would be when the symptoms are present. Mental health conditions like major depression, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, and obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD) should easily qualify, and many others will qualify as well.

4. How can I get a reasonable accommodation?

Ask for one. Tell a supervisor, HR manager, or other appropriate person that you need a change at work because of a medical condition. You may ask for an accommodation at any time. Because an employer does not have to excuse poor job performance, even if it was caused by a medical condition or the side effects of medication, it is generally better to get a reasonable accommodation before any problems occur or become worse. (Many people choose to wait to ask for accommodation until after they receive a job offer, however, because it’s very hard to prove illegal discrimination that takes place before a job offer.) You don’t need to have a particular accommodation in mind, but you can ask for something specific.

5. What will happen after I ask for a reasonable accommodation?

Your employer may ask you to put your request in writing, and to generally describe your condition and how it affects your work. The employer also may ask you to submit a letter from your health care provider documenting that you have a mental health condition, and that you need an accommodation because of it. If you do not want the employer to know your specific diagnosis, it may be enough to provide documentation that describes your condition more generally (by stating, for example, that you have an “anxiety disorder”). Your employer also might ask your health care provider whether particular accommodations would meet your needs. You can help your health care provider understand the law of reasonable accommodation by bringing a copy of the EEOC publication The Mental Health Provider’s Role in a Client’s Request for a Reasonable Accommodation at Work to your appointment.

If a reasonable accommodation would help you to do your job, your employer must give you one unless the accommodation involves significant difficulty or expense. If more than one accommodation would work, the employer can choose which one to give you. Your employer can’t legally fire you, or refuse to hire or promote you, because you asked for a reasonable accommodation or because you need one. It also cannot charge you for the cost of the accommodation.

6. What if there’s no way I can do my regular job, even with an accommodation?

If you can’t perform all the essential functions of your job to normal standards and have no paid leave available, you still may be entitled to unpaid leave as a reasonable accommodation if that leave will help you get to a point where you can perform those functions. You may also qualify for leave under the Family and Medical Leave Act, which is enforced by the United States Department of Labor. More information about this law can be found at www.dol.gov/whd/fmla.

If you are permanently unable to do your regular job, you may ask your employer to reassign you to a job that you can do as a reasonable accommodation, if one is available. More information on reasonable accommodations in employment, including reassignment, is available here.

7. What if I am being harassed because of my condition?

Harassment based on a disability is not allowed under the ADA. You should tell your employer about any harassment if you want the employer to stop the problem. Follow your employer’s reporting procedures if there are any. If you report the harassment, your employer is legally required to take action to prevent it from occurring in the future.

8. What should I do if I think that my rights have been violated?

The Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (EEOC) can help you decide what to do next, and conduct an investigation if you decide to file a charge of discrimination. Because you must file a charge within 180 days of the alleged violation in order to take further legal action (or 300 days if the employer is also covered by a state or local employment discrimination law), it is best to begin the process early. It is illegal for your employer to retaliate against you for contacting the EEOC or filing a charge. For more information, visit http://www.eeoc.gov, call 800-669-4000 (voice) or 800-669-6820 (TTY), or visit your local EEOC office (seehttp://www.eeoc.gov/field/index.cfm for contact information).

Getting healthier

I’m going to employ all that i’ve learned about boundaries. But as i have learned the and this trial and error process has revealed to me, the hard way, and the years i’ve had in therapy, i need to take further steps and actions to protect myself from unsafe people. Emotional or physical detachment is also good, and i’m not perfect, but i’m living and trying.

Here is another great photo i keep on me for a self check, and talk out with friends. And i also look for these signs in me, because having been in an abusive relationship before I must accept that trying to navigate out of it has affected me. I am the type of person that assumes the best out of people, but i know there are some you can trust and some you can not, and i’m too trusting. This has gotten me into trouble. I also don’t read people right, because some behavior could be a rouse. I have to look at the facts, and analyze, whether the words meet the actions.

The for an example is i’m willing to stop an unhealthy conversation when it’s starting to go nowhere. I also know not everyone knows how to communicate, and when i start using health communication, its foreign to people. I look at where i didn’t communicate my needs well at the beginning. And if it is not making me feel good, or heard, or listened to, i need to back off, be in my body, and focus on my needs instead of people pleasing.

I can not justify bad behavior out of myself. I just can not. I also don’t want to bring my shit to the table to prevent a healthy relationship that I want. I know the healthy me is waking up and present and sometimes i have been out of practice just being that part of myself and i feel myself snapping out of getting caught in control wars. I have choices. I can choose to react or i can choose to get better.

Life has been bringing me tests, and i’m going to do the best i can for myself as well as others. And i have slips sometimes trying to please others instead of honoring myself, not paying attention to whats going on, and just because i see similarities between someone else does not mean they have done the hard work to look at themselves, go to therapy, open themselves up to remove the negativity that they hold in, or admit they have a problem. I have had some things present themselves to me of where i have a problem and my mistakes, and i’m going to try and address those lovingly and be as good to myself as i can be.

It’s hard work to get better. But, the most important thing is to do it with love. Love is the sanctuary that god offers as a gift, and i’m all about that, and i know i have it in myself, and i love me enough to say that.