Phoenix

Chapter 2|Tigers

 

Phoenix

Today I’ll feel this

Acceptance

Tomorrow I’ll feel this

Betrayal

Forever I’ll feel this

Sorrow

Be the Virgo Pig that you are

Earth burns fire

The phoenix

Ever returning to her ashes

To rise again

In this constant circle

Of life

I’ll hate loving you one day

I’ll hate fucking him one day

I’ll think this is it

I’ll think this is love

Only to return to

My ashes

Of soul burning fire.

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Pisces

Pisces

 

He is choking on his prophecies

Playing his piano keys

Burning center of placid water

Molten rising

Boiling

Sweet friend take a breath

Let out some steam

That teary gleam

And know that I’ll all ways

Care

And I’ll all ways try to not stare

When you are uneasy.

Social Anxiety

Chapter 2| Tigers

 

Social Anxiety

 

“Will you comfort me?”

To damned by my own heart to live my dream

“Sing me a song of miniature violin”

Will you help?

I know desperation as alienation

“You hate that which you see in yourself.”

Breathe?

I need an escape

“Oh you’ll be fine!”

Will iI?

Who can you trust!

‘But I’m your friend.”

Where’s my family!?

I need money

“ Get out of town and live your dream.”

I want a home

Will you stay my friend?

“I gotta go. We’ll chat?”

.wait.

Ravings of a MADD Woman 12

Chapter 2|Tigers

Ravings of a MADD Woman 12

12. RantI shoulda

Coulda

Woulda

If you say so

I don’t lay snow

In my head

In my bed

Because of some self-pity

 

2. Strength

Tame the beast

This illusion has ceased

Somewhere back there

On your despair

 

3.You got lost

To your own cost

Not mine

I’m reading books

On how to take your looks

Of sympathy

With no empathy

 

4. The hour is none

And I thought you woulda

Coulda

Shoulda

Stayed

And I thought I woulda

Coulda

Shoulda

Laid

Underneath your breath

Exhaling our death

Smoking crystal meth.

 

 

5. I met a rich girl bitch girl

Cutting our magazines

Thinking it’s okay to be with ought means

Mine are so kinder

To you

In it

Is this

Dew?

A one liner

And it’s so pathetic

To depend on pill box medic

Of green skunk

On green smoke

 

 

6. Keep on thinking

I don’t deserve love

I don’t deserve hate

To dilate

My destiny

Reading my books

Hooked on looks

And a man

I can’t have till he

Talks

To

Me

 

7.And thinking that destiny

Lead me

Away

And him

Astray

To pave my way

To self-confidence

I have strength

Use it I can

Use it I do

Stuck on me like glue

And trying to wash off

Peel away

 

8. These answers, please god

Do not stray.

Ever molding

Taking a holding

Of an end of a dream

And end of a hope

In love with a freaking dope-

Head

Dead

In the gutter

If he doesn’t watch out

If he doesn’t stutter

 

9. And I damn the man who made me

And I forgive the man who tamed me

Because I can not be so raw

I’ll tear life away with a claw

And live life with this Arkansas drawl

If I don’t at least crawl

Outta hear

 

10. Sure there are trees

The birds and the bees

Tons of oak leaves

And like a movie

I thought you “Got Me”

But I am not crazy.

I am not lazy

And when will this

Clear out

With ought a doubt.

When oh when will this resistance

Distance

Give way

 

1. Keep on reading in books

And thinking that I’m not good enough.

 

13. Nonsense

I am no victim

Cause I was raped

Mind

Body

Soul

Abandoned and left

As I there was no coal

To turn into a diamond

I want to blind them

With kindness

 

2.Love is insanity it seems.

 

1. SO I may like to love

There’s no shame in that

Don’t cross me black cat

I know I’m not perfect

And I can work it

If I want

If I see

a glimmering

 

3. Of                                                                                                                 hope

Live in a Soft Haze

Chapter 2|Tigers

 

Live in a Soft Haze

Of delirium

A living dream

Always doing for them

For it

Did I know fear before my waking?

Did I know fear before this?

Did I step clear

of what I needed all these years?

These six long years

when mother became an alcoholic

where I had nowhere else to go

except stay in a fog of memory.

Who else was there to know

Where else was there to go.

Was pain a subtle aching

Or as tense as nerve and tendon waking

It all feels so different now.

Did I live in hope cope

Or did I understand?

This waking inside my minds eye

A trance lifted with steadying pace

Equilibrium strengthening

And emotion becoming real

Not surreal

It was all surreal

It was all not real

Is this childhood’s dying?

Or is it realizing

Who I am and who I am becoming.

An overpowering fear kept me from waking up

Listening without hands cupped

To the sleepy wall

Called my, MY EAR!

Am I finally paying attention?

Or am I finally coming to attention?
Did it all finally heal

Or is this the calm

After restlessness?

At last now I am aware.

 

Anxious fear is coming out of hiding

coming to know who I am

afraid that I’d be caught

If I came out and spoke aloud

Afraid they were all out to get me

When I was keeping myself at bay

And not saying what I really needed to say

Loved living in pain

And tried to keep the reality away.

Living a fiction. Inside my head.

Afraid to not need you

And afraid to let it all go

So used to constant caution

The shell shock has lifted

To let in the fact

That I am not as gifted.

As I thought.

Just Like Mine

Chapter 2|Tigers

Just Like Mine
What is it you want?
The meaning behind your eyes,
teasing me with the knowledge that there is something you want to do.

I look into your windows
past the hazel curtains
into the dark abyss of your pupil.
There’s something there.
Inquisitive, fearful, and eager.
They mirror my own eyes.

What is it you want?
The meaning hiding in your lips,
teasing me with the knowledge that there is something you want to say.

I look at your door
no knob to turn
nothing to make it say
what you really want to tell me.
Rigid, Shut, and teasing.
Your lips are just like mine.