Chapter 5|Fine


From my arm
and then words
from flowing
no alarm


Apples 7 Syrup

Chapter 5|Fine

Apples 7 Syrup


So strange

so surreal

it can be

so blessed

so rested

so calm

give me your palm

and let’s go along together

it’ll all work out for the better

Just give me a call

Your own personal Jesus

ask and you shall receive

I want to make your eyes gleam

with happiness

there is lasting

in this

follow me

to the sea

and let’s wash away your hell

take this shell

in remembrance of me

cast your eyes up

and up

and up

You like the taste of Syrup.

Blind as A Bat

Chapter 5|Fine


Blind as A Bat


Dwelling on my inaction

desiring to say what I felt

Never had the balls to confront

every time I tried


I shook over you


You remind me of my pain

that is vain of me to say

but it was that way

I apologize for not knowing what to do


with or without you

I need to explain

Why I acted so strange

I am not ashamed


It’s not the rape that pains me

It’s the fact that maims me

that no one wants to be

there for me even you.


It’s not what has happened

it’s what happened

When I told you

and you did nothing


I’ve changed sir


But that is not what matters

what matters is

I still shake out of habit

and I don’t need to anymore


Cause You don’t matter

Although I always wanted

to give you something more

than what you ever had.


Now shut is that door

and I’m really glad

Cause now I’m not haunted

just slightly mad


That  you never wanted to give

I wore my ankh for me

I wore black for me

I wore her and him for me


Don’t you see?




Pig Star

Chapter 5|Fine

Pig Star


These are the only times I

feel like myself

A delicate

twinkling star


and a heart unlike a diamond

More like gold

soft and supple

easy to mold

so careless if you abuse me

so careless if you use me

the way I’m not meant to be.

A material

worth millions

if you’d let yourself see

that I love all

And thank all

with my stubborn trusting soul.

I don’t want to offend

i just want to recommend

A view

Unlike yours.

A view

in my eyes.

Where hope keeps me going

like a shooting star.

Revelations- PTSD Therapy

Revelations- PTSD Therapy


“She has too much pattern!”


Unhappy people are not beautiful to the world.


Sometimes we see through our eyes

And other times we just look.


“We are the bad luck twins

Cars are our nemesis.”


Compulsions can be degrading

Remain calm

Continue waiting

Clear your mind and rest

Your hand in your palms.

But don’t dig your nails into your skin

This is not a game to win

It’s just a way to live.


“Though we sit together

We are not a powerful vision.”


I’m scared of it

This unhappiness

You’d think I’d know how to control it


“Some may call me masochist

Others martyr

I am fixing myself

Driving out the demons”


My world is shards of glass in the brain.


“I’m here writing about everything and anything you could think of in my head.”

And things you could never understand.


Memories are flashing in my head

Color so neon

Like lightning

Coming in and out and around and over and over

It takes me over

Soul talk.


“My world is human

We fuck

Se talk

We bleed

We cry

We deal with our own pain in our own way.”


“I feel deeper than I say or show

So I’m stand-offish”


I feel like the smoker’s throat.


Side lit street light patio

“Deux donne each tableaux”

Farewell to all that came before.


Before this

is the haunting

mental movies

emotion music

disappearing runaways

Before this

Is the sorrow

Bitter like lemon.


“Red went the sky

Shadows crept

And all but I wept”


“A dreamer’s dream is not a dream

But a vision of the future.”


Heart words are like heartworms

They eat you away if not spoken.


Chapter 5| Fine



Illusion of love

Of happiness

So tired of this


So tired of this


If you can’t see me

If you can’t feel my love

Trying to brush up

Against your heart

Then I guess

Our paths shall part

You don’t want to try

You fucking lie

And I will put back

My hope

In love

In someone else

Although my heart hurts

Although my legs don’t want to move

I can’t do anything

I’m powerless

Sucks that it turned out like this

And you don’t feel me.

Questioning Time

Chapter 5|Fine


Questioning Time

Interpretation of love is deluded to him in my heart.

Could I possibly believe that he is my destiny?

The destruction of hope tears my trinity apart.

How could it be that he was not meant for me?

Letting go causes cowering of this soul

So is waiting actually the goal?