A lot of helpful information to help guard yourself to crime victimization.
A lot of helpful information to help guard yourself to crime victimization.
I am not her anymore, i’m who i was before
Just in the madness of the life you created for me
Still waiting for the dawn.
I will not let you use me anymore
Or him or her or that person
I need to be free
Because as a child it wasn’t my fault
But as an adult it was my fault
For trusting you or him or her
My child inside deserves better
My soul, my heart, my mind
And as smoke and mirrors
Are presented poorly
And manipulation occurs
I woke up to the reality of the portrayal
And I remembered
I’m not your victim anymore.
You judge me and encouraged me
To break myself for your lies
And i can not lie for you anymore.
Or i’ll die from the explosions in the display
My life is mine to have a better time
Not yours to suck it away.
A great article for individuals suffering from PTSD for trauma from sexual assault.
If you have depression, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), or another mental health condition, you are protected against discrimination and harassment at work because of your condition, you have workplace privacy rights, and you may have a legal right to get reasonable accommodations that can help you perform and keep your job. The following questions and answers briefly explain these rights, which are provided by the Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA). You may also have additional rights under other laws not discussed here, such as the Family and Medical Leave Act (FMLA) and various medical insurance laws.
1. Is my employer allowed to fire me because I have a mental health condition?
No. It is illegal for an employer to discriminate against you simply because you have a mental health condition. This includes firing you, rejecting you for a job or promotion, or forcing you to take leave.
An employer doesn’t have to hire or keep people in jobs they can’t perform, or employ people who pose a “direct threat” to safety (a significant risk of substantial harm to self or others). But an employer cannot rely on myths or stereotypes about your mental health condition when deciding whether you can perform a job or whether you pose a safety risk. Before an employer can reject you for a job based on your condition, it must have objective evidence that you can’t perform your job duties, or that you would create a significant safety risk, even with a reasonable accommodation (see Question 3).
2. Am I allowed to keep my condition private?
In most situations, you can keep your condition private. An employer is only allowed to ask medical questions (including questions about mental health) in four situations:
You also may need to discuss your condition to establish eligibility for benefits under other laws, such as the FMLA. If you do talk about your condition, the employer cannot discriminate against you (see Question 5), and it must keep the information confidential, even from co-workers. (If you wish to discuss your condition with coworkers, you may choose to do so.)
3. What if my mental health condition could affect my job performance?
You may have a legal right to a reasonable accommodation that would help you do your job. A reasonable accommodation is some type of change in the way things are normally done at work. Just a few examples of possible accommodations include altered break and work schedules (e.g., scheduling work around therapy appointments), quiet office space or devices that create a quiet work environment, changes in supervisory methods (e.g., written instructions from a supervisor who usually does not provide them), specific shift assignments, and permission to work from home.
You can get a reasonable accommodation for any mental health condition that would, if left untreated, “substantially limit” your ability to concentrate, interact with others, communicate, eat, sleep, care for yourself, regulate your thoughts or emotions, or do any other “major life activity.” (You don’t need to actually stop treatment to get the accommodation.)
Your condition does not need to be permanent or severe to be “substantially limiting.” It may qualify by, for example, making activities more difficult, uncomfortable, or time-consuming to perform compared to the way that most people perform them. If your symptoms come and go, what matters is how limiting they would be when the symptoms are present. Mental health conditions like major depression, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, and obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD) should easily qualify, and many others will qualify as well.
4. How can I get a reasonable accommodation?
Ask for one. Tell a supervisor, HR manager, or other appropriate person that you need a change at work because of a medical condition. You may ask for an accommodation at any time. Because an employer does not have to excuse poor job performance, even if it was caused by a medical condition or the side effects of medication, it is generally better to get a reasonable accommodation before any problems occur or become worse. (Many people choose to wait to ask for accommodation until after they receive a job offer, however, because it’s very hard to prove illegal discrimination that takes place before a job offer.) You don’t need to have a particular accommodation in mind, but you can ask for something specific.
5. What will happen after I ask for a reasonable accommodation?
Your employer may ask you to put your request in writing, and to generally describe your condition and how it affects your work. The employer also may ask you to submit a letter from your health care provider documenting that you have a mental health condition, and that you need an accommodation because of it. If you do not want the employer to know your specific diagnosis, it may be enough to provide documentation that describes your condition more generally (by stating, for example, that you have an “anxiety disorder”). Your employer also might ask your health care provider whether particular accommodations would meet your needs. You can help your health care provider understand the law of reasonable accommodation by bringing a copy of the EEOC publication The Mental Health Provider’s Role in a Client’s Request for a Reasonable Accommodation at Work to your appointment.
If a reasonable accommodation would help you to do your job, your employer must give you one unless the accommodation involves significant difficulty or expense. If more than one accommodation would work, the employer can choose which one to give you. Your employer can’t legally fire you, or refuse to hire or promote you, because you asked for a reasonable accommodation or because you need one. It also cannot charge you for the cost of the accommodation.
6. What if there’s no way I can do my regular job, even with an accommodation?
If you can’t perform all the essential functions of your job to normal standards and have no paid leave available, you still may be entitled to unpaid leave as a reasonable accommodation if that leave will help you get to a point where you can perform those functions. You may also qualify for leave under the Family and Medical Leave Act, which is enforced by the United States Department of Labor. More information about this law can be found at www.dol.gov/whd/fmla.
If you are permanently unable to do your regular job, you may ask your employer to reassign you to a job that you can do as a reasonable accommodation, if one is available. More information on reasonable accommodations in employment, including reassignment, is available here.
7. What if I am being harassed because of my condition?
Harassment based on a disability is not allowed under the ADA. You should tell your employer about any harassment if you want the employer to stop the problem. Follow your employer’s reporting procedures if there are any. If you report the harassment, your employer is legally required to take action to prevent it from occurring in the future.
8. What should I do if I think that my rights have been violated?
The Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (EEOC) can help you decide what to do next, and conduct an investigation if you decide to file a charge of discrimination. Because you must file a charge within 180 days of the alleged violation in order to take further legal action (or 300 days if the employer is also covered by a state or local employment discrimination law), it is best to begin the process early. It is illegal for your employer to retaliate against you for contacting the EEOC or filing a charge. For more information, visit http://www.eeoc.gov, call 800-669-4000 (voice) or 800-669-6820 (TTY), or visit your local EEOC office (seehttp://www.eeoc.gov/field/index.cfm for contact information).
When you see her
Do you judge me?
For what i had no control over
Dreaming of a happy family
Waking up to nightmares?
Does it justify
Its all i wanted
To live the dream
Of a happy family
Instead you judge me
Tar and feather me
Over and over again
For telling the truth
And want me to lie
Be shut up
To keep the lie
While the messenger
And the experiencer
Same thing over and over again
To punish me
Just wanting to be happy
Just wanting to live
i’m not a child anymore
But still a child of god
Just like you.
I’m going to employ all that i’ve learned about boundaries. But as i have learned the and this trial and error process has revealed to me, the hard way, and the years i’ve had in therapy, i need to take further steps and actions to protect myself from unsafe people. Emotional or physical detachment is also good, and i’m not perfect, but i’m living and trying.
Here is another great photo i keep on me for a self check, and talk out with friends. And i also look for these signs in me, because having been in an abusive relationship before I must accept that trying to navigate out of it has affected me. I am the type of person that assumes the best out of people, but i know there are some you can trust and some you can not, and i’m too trusting. This has gotten me into trouble. I also don’t read people right, because some behavior could be a rouse. I have to look at the facts, and analyze, whether the words meet the actions.
The for an example is i’m willing to stop an unhealthy conversation when it’s starting to go nowhere. I also know not everyone knows how to communicate, and when i start using health communication, its foreign to people. I look at where i didn’t communicate my needs well at the beginning. And if it is not making me feel good, or heard, or listened to, i need to back off, be in my body, and focus on my needs instead of people pleasing.
I can not justify bad behavior out of myself. I just can not. I also don’t want to bring my shit to the table to prevent a healthy relationship that I want. I know the healthy me is waking up and present and sometimes i have been out of practice just being that part of myself and i feel myself snapping out of getting caught in control wars. I have choices. I can choose to react or i can choose to get better.
Life has been bringing me tests, and i’m going to do the best i can for myself as well as others. And i have slips sometimes trying to please others instead of honoring myself, not paying attention to whats going on, and just because i see similarities between someone else does not mean they have done the hard work to look at themselves, go to therapy, open themselves up to remove the negativity that they hold in, or admit they have a problem. I have had some things present themselves to me of where i have a problem and my mistakes, and i’m going to try and address those lovingly and be as good to myself as i can be.
It’s hard work to get better. But, the most important thing is to do it with love. Love is the sanctuary that god offers as a gift, and i’m all about that, and i know i have it in myself, and i love me enough to say that.
10 Way to Build and Preserve Better Boundaries
~ 4 min read
Boundaries are essential to healthy relationships and, really, a healthy life. Setting and sustaining boundaries is a skill. Unfortunately, it’s a skill that many of us don’t learn, according to psychologist and coach Dana Gionta, Ph.D. We might pick up pointers here and there from experience or through watching others. But for many of us, boundary-building is a relatively new concept and a challenging one.
Having healthy boundaries means “knowing and understanding what your limits are,” Dr. Gionta said.
Below, she offers insight into building better boundaries and maintaining them.
1. Name your limits.
You can’t set good boundaries if you’re unsure of where you stand. So identify your physical, emotional, mental and spiritual limits, Gionta said. Consider what you can tolerate and accept and what makes you feel uncomfortable or stressed. “Those feelings help us identify what our limits are.”
2. Tune into your feelings.
Gionta has observed two key feelings in others that are red flags or cues that we’re letting go of our boundaries: discomfort and resentment. She suggested thinking of these feelings on a continuum from one to 10. Six to 10 is in the higher zone, she said.
If you’re at the higher end of this continuum, during an interaction or in a situation, Gionta suggested asking yourself, what is causing that? What is it about this interaction, or the person’s expectation that is bothering me?
Resentment usually “comes from being taken advantage of or not appreciated.” It’s often a sign that we’re pushing ourselves either beyond our own limits because we feel guilty (and want to be a good daughter or wife, for instance), or someone else is imposing their expectations, views or values on us, she said.
“When someone acts in a way that makes you feel uncomfortable, that’s a cue to us they may be violating or crossing a boundary,” Gionta said.
3. Be direct.
With some people, maintaining healthy boundaries doesn’t require a direct and clear-cut dialogue. Usually, this is the case if people are similar in their communication styles, views, personalities and general approach to life, Gionta said. They’ll “approach each other similarly.”
With others, such as those who have a different personality or cultural background, you’ll need to be more direct about your boundaries. Consider the following example: “one person feels [that] challenging someone’s opinions is a healthy way of communicating,” but to another person this feels disrespectful and tense.
There are other times you might need to be direct. For instance, in a romantic relationship, time can become a boundary issue, Gionta said. Partners might need to talk about how much time they need to maintain their sense of self and how much time to spend together.
4. Give yourself permission.
Fear, guilt and self-doubt are big potential pitfalls, Gionta said. We might fear the other person’s response if we set and enforce our boundaries. We might feel guilty by speaking up or saying no to a family member. Many believe that they should be able to cope with a situation or say yes because they’re a good daughter or son, even though they “feel drained or taken advantage of.” We might wonder if we even deserve to have boundaries in the first place.
Boundaries aren’t just a sign of a healthy relationship; they’re a sign of self-respect. So give yourself the permission to set boundaries and work to preserve them.
5. Practice self-awareness.
Again, boundaries are all about honing in on your feelings and honoring them. If you notice yourself slipping and not sustaining your boundaries, Gionta suggested asking yourself: What’s changed? Consider “What I am doing or [what is] the other person doing?” or “What is the situation eliciting that’s making me resentful or stressed?” Then, mull over your options: “What am I going to do about the situation? What do I have control over?”
6. Consider your past and present.
How you were raised along with your role in your family can become additional obstacles in setting and preserving boundaries. If you held the role of caretaker, you learned to focus on others, letting yourself be drained emotionally or physically, Gionta said. Ignoring your own needs might have become the norm for you.
Also, think about the people you surround yourself with, she said. “Are the relationships reciprocal?” Is there a healthy give and take?
Beyond relationships, your environment might be unhealthy, too. For instance, if your workday is eight hours a day, but your co-workers stay at least 10 to 11, “there’s an implicit expectation to go above and beyond” at work, Gionta said. It can be challenging being the only one or one of a few trying to maintain healthy boundaries, she said. Again, this is where tuning into your feelings and needs and honoring them becomes critical.
7. Make self-care a priority.
Gionta helps her clients make self-care a priority, which also involves giving yourself permission to put yourself first. When we do this, “our need and motivation to set boundaries become stronger,” she said. Self-care also means recognizing the importance of your feelings and honoring them. These feelings serve as “important cues about our wellbeing and about what makes us happy and unhappy.”
Putting yourself first also gives you the “energy, peace of mind and positive outlook to be more present with others and be there” for them.” And “When we’re in a better place, we can be a better wife, mother, husband, co-worker or friend.”
8. Seek support.
If you’re having a hard time with boundaries, “seek some support, whether [that’s a] support group, church, counseling, coaching or good friends.” With friends or family, you can even make “it a priority with each other to practice setting boundaries together [and] hold each other accountable.”
Consider seeking support through resources, too. Gionta likes the following books: The Art of Extreme Self-Care: Transform Your Life One Month at a Time and Boundaries in Marriage (along with several books on boundaries by the same authors).
9. Be assertive.
Of course, we know that it’s not enough to create boundaries; we actually have to follow through. Even though we know intellectually that people aren’t mind readers, we still expect others to know what hurts us, Gionta said. Since they don’t, it’s important to assertively communicate with the other person when they’ve crossed a boundary.
In a respectful way, let the other person know what in particular is bothersome to you and that you can work together to address it, Gionta said.
10. Start small.
Like any new skill, assertively communicating your boundaries takes practice. Gionta suggested starting with a small boundary that isn’t threatening to you, and then incrementally increasing to more challenging boundaries. “Build upon your success, and [at first] try not to take on something that feels overwhelming.”
“Setting boundaries takes courage, practice and support,” Gionta said. And remember that it’s a skill you can master.