Work being used at Florida Gulf Coast University exhibition

I just received notification through my Etsy store that my work is going to be used for an exhibition on rape culture via artist books and zines.

I cried my heart out. I recently began sponsoring a child in Kenya, and there are other things going on that scare me that I won’t be able to support her, or myself. And a phone call caused more harm than good in regards to my job.

Regardless,

I’m going to see if the other zine we worked on may be included or sent to them for free. I’m waiting for feed back to set it up. I want to go so bad! img_98781-e1513410311695.jpg

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Rape Culture, Victim Blaming, & the Facts

RAPE CULTURE, VICTIM BLAMING, AND THE FACTS

WHAT IS RAPE CULTURE?

Rape Culture is an environment in which rape is prevalent and in which sexual violence is normalized and excused in the media and popular culture. Rape culture is perpetuated through the use of misogynistic language, the objectification of women’s bodies, and the glamorization of sexual violence, thereby creating a society that disregards women’s rights and safety.

EXAMPLES OF RAPE CULTURE

  • Blaming the victim (“She asked for it!”)
  • Trivializing sexual assault (“Boys will be boys!”)
  • Sexually explicit jokes
  • Tolerance of sexual harassment
  • Inflating false rape report statistics
  • Publicly scrutinizing a victim’s dress, mental state, motives, and history
  • Gratuitous gendered violence in movies and television
  • Defining “manhood” as dominant and sexually aggressive
  • Defining “womanhood” as submissive and sexually passive
  • Pressure on men to “score”
  • Pressure on women to not appear “cold”
  • Assuming only promiscuous women get raped
  • Assuming that men don’t get raped or that only “weak” men get raped
  • Refusing to take rape accusations seriously
  • Teaching women to avoid getting raped

VICTIM BLAMING

One reason people blame a victim is to distance themselves from an unpleasant occurrence and thereby confirm their own invulnerability to the risk. By labeling or accusing the victim, others can see the victim as different from themselves. People reassure themselves by thinking, “Because I am not like her, because I do not do that, this would never happen to me.” We need to help people understand that this is not a helpful reaction.

Why Is It Dangerous?

Victim-blaming attitudes marginalize the victim/survivor and make it harder to come forward and report the abuse. If the survivor knows that you or society blames her for the abuse, s/he will not feel safe or comfortable coming forward and talking to you.

Victim-blaming attitudes also reinforce what the abuser has been saying all along; that it is the victim’s fault this is happening. It is NOT the victim’s fault or responsibility to fix the situation; it is the abuser’s choice. By engaging in victim-blaming attitudes, society allows the abuser to perpetrate relationship abuse or sexual assault while avoiding accountability for his/her actions.

What Does Victim-Blaming Look Like?

Example of Victim-Blaming Attitude: “She must have provoked him into being abusive. They both need to change.”

Reality: This statement assumes that the victim is equally to blame for the abuse, when in reality, abuse is a conscious choice made by the abuser. Abusers have a choice in how they react to their partner’s actions. Options besides abuse include: walking away, talking in the moment, respectfully explaining why an action is frustrating, breaking up, etc. Additionally, abuse is not about individual actions that incite the abuser to hurt his partner, but rather about the abuser’s feelings of entitlement to do whatever he wants to his partner.

When friends and family remain neutral about the abuse and say that both people need to change, they are colluding with and supporting the abusive partner and making it less likely that the survivor will seek support.

HOW CAN MEN AND WOMEN COMBAT RAPE CULTURE AND VICTIM BLAMING?

  • Avoid using language that objectifies or degrades women
  • Speak out if you hear someone else making an offensive joke or trivializing rape
  • If a friend says they have been raped, take your friend seriously and be supportive
  • Think critically about the media’s messages about women, men, relationships, and violence
  • Be respectful of others’ physical space even in casual situations
  • Let survivors know that it is not their fault
  • Hold abusers accountable for their actions: do not let them make excuses like blaming the victim, alcohol, or drugs for their behavior
  • Always communicate with sexual partners and do not assume consent
  • Define your own manhood or womanhood. Do not let stereotypes shape your actions.
  • Be an Active Bystander!

Adapted from Marshall University and Center for Relationship Abuse Awareness

DATING AND DOMESTIC VIOLENCE FACTS

FACT: Regardless of their actions, no one deserves to be physically, verbally or sexually abused. In fact, putting the blame for the violence on the victim is a way to manipulate the victim and other people. Batterers will tell the victim, “You made me mad,” or, “You made me jealous,” or will try to shift the burden by saying, “Everyone acts like that.” Most victims try to placate and please their abusive partners in order to de-escalate the violence. The batterer chooses to abuse, and bears full responsibility for the violence.

FACT: Many victims love their partners despite the abuse, blame themselves, or feel as if they have no support system or resources outside of the relationship and so they feel as if they can’t leave. Furthermore, the period immediately after leaving an abusive relationship is extremely dangerous.

FACT: Jealousy and possessiveness are signs that the person sees you as a possession. They are one of the most common early warning sign of abuse

FACT: Abuse can come in many forms, such as sexual, physical, verbal, and emotional. When a person in a relationship repeatedly scares, hurts, or puts down the other person, it is abuse. Harassment, intimidation, forced or coerced isolation from friends and family and having an independent social life, humiliation, threats of harm to you or your family or pets, threats of suicide if you leave, violating your privacy, limiting your independence and personal choices are all examples of abuse.

FACT: While the majority of victims of domestic violence are women, men may also be victims of relationship violence. Men face many of the same barriers as women that prevent them from reporting abuse, but also face a different kind of stigma since many do not believe that men can be victims of dating/domestic violence.

FACT: The majority of men and young men in our community are not violent. The use of violence is a choice. Men who use violence in their relationships choose where and when they are violent. The large majority of offenders who assault their partners control their violence with others, such as friends or work colleagues, where there is no perceived right to dominate and control.

Stating that ‘All men are violent’ places the blame for the violence elsewhere and prevents the perpetrator from being responsible for his violence. The majority of men and women want and can be allies to help in the fight against this kind of violence.

FACT: As many as one-third of all high school and college-age young people experience violence in an intimate or dating relationship. Physical abuse is as common among high school and college-age couples as married couples.

SEXUAL ASSAULT FACTS

FACT: Men, women and children of all ages, races, religions, and economic classes can be and have been victims of sexual assault. Sexual assault occurs in rural areas, small towns and larger cities. It is estimated that one in three girls and one six boys will be sexually assaulted by the age of eighteen. According to the U.S. Department of Justice, a rape or attempted rape occurs every 5 minutes in the United States.

FACT: Sexual assault is NEVER the victim’s fault. Sexual assault is a violent attack on an individual, not a spontaneous crime of sexual passion. For a victim, it is a humiliating and degrading act. No one “asks” for or deserves this type of attack.

FACT: Most sexual assaults are committed by someone the victim knows. Studies show that approximately 80%-90% of women reporting sexual assaults knew their assailant.

FACT: A sexual assault can happen anywhere and at any time. The majority of assaults occur in places ordinarily thought to be safe, such as homes, cars and offices.

FACT: Reported sexual assaults are true, with very few exceptions. According to CONNSACS, only 2% of reported rapes are false. This is the same rate of false reporting as other major crime reports.

FACT: Men can be, and are, sexually assaulted. Current statistics indicate that one in six men are sexually assaulted in their lifetime. Sexual assault of men is thought to be greatly under-reported.

FACT: Almost all sexual assaults occur between members of the same race. Interracial rape is not common, but it does occur.

FACT: Sexual assault is motivated by hostility, power and control. Sexual assaults are not motivated by sexual desire. Unlike animals, humans are capable of controlling how they choose to act on or express sexual urges.

FACT: Sexual offenders come from all educational, occupational, racial and cultural backgrounds. They are “ordinary” and “normal” individuals who sexually assault victims to assert power and control over them and inflict violence, humiliation and degradation.

FACT: Anytime someone is forced to have sex against their will, they have been sexually assaulted, regardless of whether or not they fought back or said “no”. There are many reasons why a victim might not physically fight their attacker including shock, fear, threats or the size and strength of the attacker.

FACT: Survivors exhibit a spectrum of emotional responses to assault: calm, hysteria, laughter, anger, apathy, shock. Each survivor copes with the trauma of the assault in a different way.

Adapted from Connecticut Sexual Assault Crisis Services (CONNSACS)

reposted from https://www.southernct.edu/sexual-misconduct/facts.html

steak knife poetry zine, poetry by Carrie Crocker, sexual assault awareness

Buy Steak Knife Poetry Zine on Etsy

steak knife poetry zine, poetry by Carrie Crocker, sexual assault awareness
Steak Knife Poetry Zine

You can now purchase my poetry zine at Creative Cloud Designs on Etsy.

80 % of all sales go to benefit Center for Healing Hearts & Spirits.

Pricing is $10.00 + Shipping and handling.

Zine measures: 4-1/2 in. x 11 in.

steak knife poetry zine, poetry by Carrie Crocker, sexual assault awareness
Front
steak knife poetry zine, poetry by Carrie Crocker, sexual assault awareness
Back
steak knife poetry zine, poetry by Carrie Crocker, sexual assault awareness
Inside
steak knife poetry zine, poetry by Carrie Crocker, sexual assault awareness
Poetry Samples

 

 

Thank you to You and NoMore.org

I wanted to thank you to all who purchased my Awareness earrings and zine at the Paper Cuts Zine Night at Dunbar Gardens.

You helped me raise $20 dollars from the sales of the earrings and zines. Thank you so much for contributing to the  Arkansas Sexual Assault resource center Center for Healing Hearts & Spirits.

Thank you to Kaitlyn & Monica for asking me to contribute my story in the “It’s Not Your Fault” zine and participate in the Zine Night at Dunbar Gardens.

To purchase No More Awareness jewelry and a copy of my Steak Knife Poetry Zine you can visit:

Creative Cloud Designs on Etsy

And thank you to NoMore.org for permission to utilize their logo design to raise awareness and provide donations for Arkansas’ Sexual Assault organizations.

Writing letter to parole board

Today after visiting with my therapist I wrote a letter to the parole board in regards to the rapists upcoming review. He is currently in prison serving for failing to register as a sex offender and fleeing the county. Not for my rape, I may not be able to prosecute… I wrote explicit details that I will no longer visit or share. I have enough flashbacks. But today was hard and filled with gratitude.

Today I was reminded of the fact I am very lucky. I did not get murdered like the rapist threatened to do to me, I only got raped. Fucked up way of looking at it, but I’m alive. I am still apprehensive of when he will be released, and the financial ramifications of what the rape and crime did to my life. I am praying for god’s guidance for what to do next and praying for the most positive outcome, expecting nothing.

Writing the parole opposition letter made me revisit the events of that day. The events leading to it, and the events afterwards that are slow dissipating from the primary explosion. It has been like a bomb going off in my life. Sensory overload, thought overload, fear overload in ways I don’t think many could ever understand. I am coming to acceptance with the reality of how things are and are not. I am grateful to just be alive.

I am finding more and more reasons to live. Despite other people’s aggression causing me to go on the defensive and their aggression and domestic violence. I am focusing on security, in fact just received a letter proving the second identity theft that has occurred. I have a real case. However, It is hard to have people deny and try to get me to prove information and facts that are self-explanatory. But it will all work out in the end. The hardest part have been individuals trying to call me a liar, and letting individuals like that distract me from taking care of myself, their words and actions leaving stains. The easiest part has actually to be to remain calm and maintain calm. To not allow other people to try and prevent a healthy recovery of which I deserve. The coming to terms with knowing people are untrustworthy first and foremost, that I deserve for my trust to be earned, to not give it so freely has been difficult for me. I was a naturally trusting and forgiving person. I would give the shirt off my back for a friend in need when I could, I spoiled some friends by being this way, and when I had nothing to give, they lost interest and went to character assassination. I was in an emergency. If people expect someone to be calm when a traumatic experience occurs, then they are not comprehending the reality of what a traumatic experience is.

The trusting person that’s not me any longer. It’s hard to change. And I’m not going to ruin somebody else’s life just because I feel owed. It will only be based off their actions in regards to how they handle situations. Only then am I going to respond, and I have every legal right to protect myself from being murdered, harassed, threatened, and abused.

If someone does not like this, then what does that say about them. I just wish I had my cat back. She has Hepatitis B and is not safe to be around children. Some people I swear to christ.

Below is a link to letters to those who are in need of writing an Opposition for Parole Letter:

http://www.citizensagainsthomicide.org/category/parole-opposition-letters/

After signing up for Arkansas Vine Link I have been notified and updated about my rapist. If you would like to express your anger towards the rapist, and your fears of him being released, and fears of him causing harm, and wanting justice to be served to prevent him from raping another person you can contact the Arkansas Parole Board. Write a letter to the Parole Board and send it to them. I’d appreciate it.

Even in my most hysterical moments I have contacted and notified higher authorities, in regards to this man and his disposition to cause harm to other individuals. I flipped out when he stole my phone that had addresses in it. Those are other people that could be affected by this man. This greatly concerns me, not only for myself, but what if he goes after someone else I know personally, and the rape event that occurred in my life, happens to someone else? These are things that kept me up at night. Kept other people up at night. Fear. Mind-numbing, mind-blacking fear, fear of other people retaliating against me because I was victimized, prior and during and after the rapist was introduced into my life by other parties. I did not know this man, but He knew about me. I must say that has been the most frightening and terrifying and paranoia inducing experience in my god damn life. I don’t know if I will be able to trust people fully again.

Like today, at my therapy appointment, I saw a man being taken to the hospital for suicidal thoughts. I know what that is like. Wanting to end your life because of depression, but since my thyroid levels have stabilized, my antidepressants are correct, my diagnosis is correct, I feel less ashamed of what it took to get me here. I have a disease. It is treatable, and I will stick with recovery.

I discovered that when I got pregnant, it triggered my thyroid issues, which explains a lot: My allergies, my hypoglycemia, my reactions to birth control and them making me suicidal sometimes, a lot of things. So now a medical reason is completely verifiably and covered within the law (as it always was). This is a Huge weight off my shoulders and the most wonderful news I’ve heard in a long time. I don’t have to live with the guilt and shaming tactics of a group of peoples Oxford method to brainwash me into thinking I’m somebody I’m not. I knew it, but having it told to me and seeing verifiable results, speaking with other people, honoring myself and my experience, discussing and having individuals with professional experience with these things, and papers, and discussions, and validations to my experience has helped me out tremendously. Raped people aren’t the enemies. The rapists are. Remember that always.

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Preventing Violence- Repost from NoMore.org

PREVENTING VIOLENCE

TAKING ACTION TO STOP VIOLENCE

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Everyone can play an active role in stopping domestic violence and sexual assault before it occurs by becoming an engaged bystander and helping to establish an environment where healthy and positive relationships are based on respect, safety, and equality.

Moreover, taking steps to stop harassment or violence can make a significant difference in someone’s life, and send a powerful message to the perpetrator and society as a whole about which social norms are acceptable and which are unacceptable.

SO, WHAT DOES AN ENGAGED BYSTANDER LOOK LIKE?

An engaged bystander is someone who intervenes when they see or hear behaviors that promote, condone or encourage domestic or sexual violenceIntervening does NOT mean putting yourself in danger or increasing the risk to others. Safety is key in deciding when and how to respond to any type of violence.

Intervening can mean disrupting the social norms that perpetuate domestic & sexual violence in our culture such as:

  • glorifying abusive power over other men or women
  • objectifying women
  • demeaning men
  • tolerating violence and aggression
  • promoting male dominance and adults’ misuse of power over children
  • sexually abusive or physically violent hazing
  • blaming victims for what happened to them

By disrupting or challenging these norms, you are acting as an engaged bystander and helping create a safer environment for everyone.

If you see or hear something that does not feel right, speak up. If you do not feel safe, call the police or go to the authorities.

Above all, trust your gut. A gut feeling can be your best guide if a situation just doesn’t seem right.

IF YOU SEE, HEAR OR SUSPECT THAT SOMEONE IS IN IMMEDIATE DANGER CALL 911.

BYSTANDER INTERVENTION SCENARIOS:

(Click to view)

+ WHEN A SITUATION IN YOUR FAMILY COMES UP THAT MAKES YOU THINK SOMEONE IS BEING ABUSED. WHAT DO YOU DO?

  • Learn the warning signs and red flags of abusive relationships.
  • Talk privately with the victim, ask them if they would like help. Listen and do not judge.
  • Offer to help them look for local resources to keep them (and any children that may be present in the home) safe.
  • Try not to outwardly judge or confront the abuser as it may make the situation worse and put you in danger too.
  • Offer to let them use your phone or computer to look up local resources or contact someone that can help them and any children involved.
  • Call the National Domestic Violence Hotline (1 800 799 7233) to talk to a counselor about how you can help without putting you or the victim at greater risk.

+ YOU’RE AT A PARTY OR OUT DRINKING AND SOMEONE HAS HAD A LOT TO DRINK AND IS BEING HARASSED OR MANIPULATED BY SOMEONE YOU THINK MAY DO SOMETHING HARMFUL TO THEM. WHAT DO YOU DO?

  • Talk to the individuals and their friends and ask where they are going? Do they need help? Ask where their friends are.
  • Offer to help the impaired individual get home safely.
  • Speak to someone in charge like a bar manager, bouncer or the host of the party to help intervene.
  • Call the authorities if you hear of or see someone drugging someone’s drink(s) or giving someone something that they don’t know may severely impair them.

+ YOU ARE IN THE LUNCH ROOM WITH YOUR FRIENDS AND A GROUP OF STUDENTS NEARBY START MAKING SEXUAL GESTURES AND COMMENTS TO ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS THAT IS SITTING WITH YOU. THOUGH TRYING TO IGNORE THE COMMENTS, YOU SEE THAT YOUR FRIEND IS UPSET. WHAT DO YOU DO?

  • You can tell the group making the comments to stop their sexually harassing behavior, or ask them to imagine how they’d feel if someone made that comment about one of their family members or someone else they cared about.
  • You could ask your friend if they want to leave and talk to a teacher or counselor.

Whatever you choose in the moment, you should tell an authority figure about the harassment and ask them to intervene. While it’s not physical violence, these types of harassing behaviors help foster an environment that condones domestic & sexual violence in our society.

+ A CO-WORKER STARTS TALKING ABOUT A RECENT HIGH-PROFILE RAPE OR DOMESTIC VIOLENCE CASE AND BLAMES THE VICTIM FOR WHAT HAPPENED. WHAT DO YOU DO?

  • Tell them that regardless of what they think happened that it’s never the victim’s fault.
  • Give them resources that explain the realities of domestic and sexual violence.
  • Contact your human resources representative or immediate supervisor and ask that the staff receive training on these issues.

+ A NEIGHBORHOOD TEEN TELLS YOUR THEIR BOY/GIRLFRIEND IS HURTING THEM, HARASSING THEM AND/OR FORCING THEM INTO SEXUAL SITUATIONS. WHAT DO YOU DO?

  • Tell the victim that what is happening to them is not right and it’s not their fault.
  • Offer to help them look for local resources to keep them safe.
  • Check in with them to see if they are safe and offer to help them involve individuals resources to help make the abuse stop.

+ THE GUYS ON YOUR TEAM ARE CONSTANTLY MAKING LEWD, RUDE OR DEGRADING COMMENTS ABOUT WOMEN AND GIRLS OR CALLING EACH OTHER NAMES THAT IMPLY THEY ARE “WEAK LIKE GIRLS.” WHAT DO YOU DO?

  • Speak up that their comments are degrading to their teammates and to women in general and it’s not cool with you.
  • Talk to teammates individually about the situation and ask that they not join in those behaviors.
  • Ask the coach to talk to the team, or individual, about how harassment and the degradation of women and girls is not okay.

+ YOU WAKE UP IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT HEARING SCREAMING, CRYING, YELLING AND BANGING FROM A NEIGHBOR’S HOUSE, APARTMENT OR FROM A DORM ROOM?” WHAT DO YOU DO?

  • Call 911 and report what you hear.
  • If you know the neighbor and when it is safe to talk to the victim, let them know that resources are available locally to help them.
  • Offer to let them use your phone or computer to look up local resources or to contact  someone that can help them.

ADDITIONAL BYSTANDER INTERVENTION RESOURCES:

MORE RESOURCES

+CLICK TO VIEW RESOURCES FOR TAKING ACTION ON CAMPUS

Know Your IX Stopping Campus Rape through the use of policies enacted through Title IX. Changing Campus policy and rules regarding sexual assault and harassment through Title IX and the Clery Act.

Know Your Power Developed by researchers at the University of New Hampshire,this campaign is a nationally recognized program focused on reducing sexual and relationship violence and stalking on college campuses.

Green Dot Campaign is based on the idea that peer influence often predicts behavior. In instances of harmful or violent words, actions, or behaviors, each person has a choice to ignore or accept (a red dot) or intervene to address it (a green dot).

Loyola University in Chicago Program

+CLICK TO VIEW RESOURCES FOR MEN

Online Resources for male survivors, their friends, family and community.

The Campus Men of Strength Club is based on Men Can Stop Rape’s core organizational values: prevention, nonviolence, redefining masculinity, male positivity and gender equity.

WHERE DO YOU STAND? campaign materials present compelling images of college men role modeling specific intervention strategies.

+CLICK TO VIEW RESOURCES FOR TEENS AND YOUTH

Love is Not Abuse teen dating violence tips and resources for youth to recognize the warning signs and speak out about unhealthy relationships. Teen Abuse helpline 1-866-331-9474 or text “loveis” to 22522.

That’s Not Cool teen focused information, video and games campaign that use the use of social media and technology as a means to discuss healthy relationships and abusive behaviors.

How to spot and report suspected child sexual abuseOnline resources for helping keep a child safe from abuse.

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