Work being used at Florida Gulf Coast University exhibition

I just received notification through my Etsy store that my work is going to be used for an exhibition on rape culture via artist books and zines.

I cried my heart out. I recently began sponsoring a child in Kenya, and there are other things going on that scare me that I won’t be able to support her, or myself. And a phone call caused more harm than good in regards to my job.

Regardless,

I’m going to see if the other zine we worked on may be included or sent to them for free. I’m waiting for feed back to set it up. I want to go so bad! img_98781-e1513410311695.jpg

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Writing letter to parole board

Today after visiting with my therapist I wrote a letter to the parole board in regards to the rapists upcoming review. He is currently in prison serving for failing to register as a sex offender and fleeing the county. Not for my rape, I may not be able to prosecute… I wrote explicit details that I will no longer visit or share. I have enough flashbacks. But today was hard and filled with gratitude.

Today I was reminded of the fact I am very lucky. I did not get murdered like the rapist threatened to do to me, I only got raped. Fucked up way of looking at it, but I’m alive. I am still apprehensive of when he will be released, and the financial ramifications of what the rape and crime did to my life. I am praying for god’s guidance for what to do next and praying for the most positive outcome, expecting nothing.

Writing the parole opposition letter made me revisit the events of that day. The events leading to it, and the events afterwards that are slow dissipating from the primary explosion. It has been like a bomb going off in my life. Sensory overload, thought overload, fear overload in ways I don’t think many could ever understand. I am coming to acceptance with the reality of how things are and are not. I am grateful to just be alive.

I am finding more and more reasons to live. Despite other people’s aggression causing me to go on the defensive and their aggression and domestic violence. I am focusing on security, in fact just received a letter proving the second identity theft that has occurred. I have a real case. However, It is hard to have people deny and try to get me to prove information and facts that are self-explanatory. But it will all work out in the end. The hardest part have been individuals trying to call me a liar, and letting individuals like that distract me from taking care of myself, their words and actions leaving stains. The easiest part has actually to be to remain calm and maintain calm. To not allow other people to try and prevent a healthy recovery of which I deserve. The coming to terms with knowing people are untrustworthy first and foremost, that I deserve for my trust to be earned, to not give it so freely has been difficult for me. I was a naturally trusting and forgiving person. I would give the shirt off my back for a friend in need when I could, I spoiled some friends by being this way, and when I had nothing to give, they lost interest and went to character assassination. I was in an emergency. If people expect someone to be calm when a traumatic experience occurs, then they are not comprehending the reality of what a traumatic experience is.

The trusting person that’s not me any longer. It’s hard to change. And I’m not going to ruin somebody else’s life just because I feel owed. It will only be based off their actions in regards to how they handle situations. Only then am I going to respond, and I have every legal right to protect myself from being murdered, harassed, threatened, and abused.

If someone does not like this, then what does that say about them. I just wish I had my cat back. She has Hepatitis B and is not safe to be around children. Some people I swear to christ.

Below is a link to letters to those who are in need of writing an Opposition for Parole Letter:

http://www.citizensagainsthomicide.org/category/parole-opposition-letters/

After signing up for Arkansas Vine Link I have been notified and updated about my rapist. If you would like to express your anger towards the rapist, and your fears of him being released, and fears of him causing harm, and wanting justice to be served to prevent him from raping another person you can contact the Arkansas Parole Board. Write a letter to the Parole Board and send it to them. I’d appreciate it.

Even in my most hysterical moments I have contacted and notified higher authorities, in regards to this man and his disposition to cause harm to other individuals. I flipped out when he stole my phone that had addresses in it. Those are other people that could be affected by this man. This greatly concerns me, not only for myself, but what if he goes after someone else I know personally, and the rape event that occurred in my life, happens to someone else? These are things that kept me up at night. Kept other people up at night. Fear. Mind-numbing, mind-blacking fear, fear of other people retaliating against me because I was victimized, prior and during and after the rapist was introduced into my life by other parties. I did not know this man, but He knew about me. I must say that has been the most frightening and terrifying and paranoia inducing experience in my god damn life. I don’t know if I will be able to trust people fully again.

Like today, at my therapy appointment, I saw a man being taken to the hospital for suicidal thoughts. I know what that is like. Wanting to end your life because of depression, but since my thyroid levels have stabilized, my antidepressants are correct, my diagnosis is correct, I feel less ashamed of what it took to get me here. I have a disease. It is treatable, and I will stick with recovery.

I discovered that when I got pregnant, it triggered my thyroid issues, which explains a lot: My allergies, my hypoglycemia, my reactions to birth control and them making me suicidal sometimes, a lot of things. So now a medical reason is completely verifiably and covered within the law (as it always was). This is a Huge weight off my shoulders and the most wonderful news I’ve heard in a long time. I don’t have to live with the guilt and shaming tactics of a group of peoples Oxford method to brainwash me into thinking I’m somebody I’m not. I knew it, but having it told to me and seeing verifiable results, speaking with other people, honoring myself and my experience, discussing and having individuals with professional experience with these things, and papers, and discussions, and validations to my experience has helped me out tremendously. Raped people aren’t the enemies. The rapists are. Remember that always.

NoMore.org

http://nomore.org

  • Over the past year I joined something amazing! We’re using a new symbol to end an issue that hurts 24 people every min. I say #NOMORE nomore.org
  • The silence and shame must end for good. I say #NOMORE. nomore.org
  • 7 million victims in just 1 year. I say #NOMORE. www.nomore.org
  • 24 victims every minute. I say #NOMORE. nomore.org
  • Be in the kNOw about domestic violence and sexual assault. Say #NOMORE nomore.org

Below are printable fliers and posters you can use to share your reason for saying NoMore to domestic violence and sexual assault.

NO MORE Flier.pdf

NEW – NO MORE Workplace Flier.pdf

I SAY No_MORE_BECAUSE_sign.pdf

I say no more because Love and Life Matters. I deserve safety and peace and recovery. I deserve to fall in love with the right man for me. To live free of harassment and hatred. I am not inspired by these stories to shame my “enemies.l to get mad or to get even. It’s just not worth it to me to be further abused years later. Please to those who are against me. Please stop stalking me! I am not participating anymore. Accept that as a good thing. i suggest you leave me and this alone. 

Ghandi once said be the change you want to see in the world. I am practicing that change. I will not further mention my ex in public ever again. As his family has harassed me into silence. I don’t want violence in my life anymore anywhere. Regardless if he did hit me or not. I will not retract that statement. I would expect that the other participants in this three year long fight will also do in kind. Of which they won’t and I don’t care if they do or not. That decision is up to them, and I will not seek out the answer. I want nothing more to do with anyone. For my own peace of mind, reputation, as well as the rest of the life I have on planet earth, and most of all physical safety. 

Any further correspondence from this day forward,  July 20th, 2015 will be considered a threat via text, e-mail,  snail mail, phone calls and hang up calls to my home or on my cell-phone, any following or commenting on social media or websites, of relation to or friends of my ex acting on his behalf, or for the rapist William Burk Martin, will not be accepted. I will not comment further about anything personal to appease these individuals involved in the name of peace and love and healthy recovery for myself from rape.

 Your ip address is tracked and has been reported to the FBI. I want this to be settled, done, and over with, let it be done. Any unsolicited public meetings or correspondence, drive-by, or run-ins will be considered a threat in person locally on my physical body, as they have been for over three years now. I have been living in fear for over three years from this, and I’m not going to take it anymore.

I have only been focusing on a positive recovery from these course of events. That meant telling my experience from my perspective and the advise and perspective of other individuals, such as police officers, and following their advise, of people involved in recovering, in hopes it would help other domestic violence survivors and rape victims. Not to cause slander or harm to other people’s lives. I will not retract my statement that they are threatening and intimidating me, or that he hit me, and I will not condone other people slandering me and saying I attacked him.

The domestic Violence hotline calls this stalking and cyber harassment. I ask for you to stop. 

This is why I have stopped responding and have made efforts as well as am in therapy because I know how I live affects myself and other people, and other people should be conscientious of this too. It is our responsibility on this planet to treat other people with kindness and respect. This is why there is the law. 

 Life is about learning. Doing the right thing. It is also about protecting oneself from harm. Let’s be realistic. It does not make me feel any better, anyways, remembering and recounting the events with the public, and after talking with my therapist we have decided that there are better ways to address domestic violence and sexual assault. No Means NO! I say no more. My life on this planet is not to “get even” legally unless further provoked. So I will practice what I preach.

Thank you very much, and have a nice day. Go in Peace and leave me alone.

You can show your Support by getting educated: No More.org

ABOUT

What is NO MORE?

NO MORE is a unifying symbol and campaign to raise public awareness and engage bystanders around ending domestic violence and sexual assault. Launched in March 2013 by a coalition of leading advocacy groups, service providers, the U.S. Department of Justice and major corporations, NO MORE is supported by hundreds of national and local groups and by thousands of individuals, organizations, universities, and communities who are using its signature blue symbol to increase visibility for domestic violence and sexual assault.

NO MORE was conceived to amplify the power of the domestic violence and sexual assault movement using a unifying symbol to drive awareness and break down the barriers of stigma, silence and shame that keep people from talking about these issues and taking action to prevent them. Co-founded as a public/private partnership, NO MORE was created as a platform for those working to end domestic violence/sexual assault, in the belief that greater dialogue will fuel enhanced funding for direct service, advocacy and prevention.

NO MORE was founded with several key principles:

  • The NO MORE symbol is not owned by any one organization. Rather it belongs to and is available for use by all those (organizations or individuals) who are committed to help end domestic violence and sexual assault. Tools to use the symbol are available completely free of charge here.
  • NO MORE does not accept donations from the general public. NO MORE directs individual donations and any profit generated from the sale of products in the NO MORE store to partner organizations in the direct service, advocacy and prevention field (see the list of benefitting organizations here). NO MORE also encourages those working to end domestic violence and sexual assault to use the NO MORE symbol and assets to raise money, generate support, and bring communities together around these issues. Seed and limited operating funding, as well as pro-bono services for NO MORE come from a team of volunteers, corporations and corporate foundations who share the vision of NO MORE. A full list of funders is available at nomore.org.
  • NO MORE does not provide direct services or lobby for policy reforms. Instead NO MORE works to bring visibility, resources and amplify the key messages of local, state and national non-profit organizations for whom NO MORE was founded and with whom NO MORE partners.

Who is behind NO MORE?

NO MORE has a panel of advisors, or Steering Committee, with representatives from two dozen leading domestic violence and sexual assault non-profits in the United States as well as the US Department of Justice. The NO MORE Executive Committee, with representatives from corporate partners and non-profits, oversees NO MORE’s ongoing activities. The members of the Executive and Steering Committees contribute their time, expertise and leadership to NO MORE (you can find the lists here).

NO MORE is also supported by hundreds of allied groups and organizations who registered online as supporters of NO MORE’s vision. Additionally there are also dozens of state and city led coalitions, student groups and others who are championing NO MORE with localized campaigns that are run independently of the national NO MORE movement. More than 49,000 online subscribers have joined since NO MORE launched on March 13, 2013.

Day-to-day, NO MORE is overseen by a small, but dedicated team:

  • Virginia Witt, Director
  • Jill Morris, Field Liaison
  • Rachel Haas, Communications & Digital Manager
  • Emma Bethel, Communications & Outreach Coordinator

NO MORE PSA Campaign

In September 2013, NO MORE launched its first celebrity public services announcement (PSA) campaign, which was created by the Joyful Heart Foundation (JHF) and Rachel Howald at the global ad agency Young & Rubicam, directed by Mariska Hargitay, President and Founder of JHF and photographed by Timothy White. 

In the Summer of 2014, Viacom adapted to the NO MORE PSAs, to feature an array of their own diverse talent from BET, MTV and SPIKE, for the “Viacom Says NO MORE” PSAs, produced by Viacom Velocity, which then aired 5,000 times across 12 Viacom networks.

In October 2014, in an expansion of a long-time partnership with the National Football League (NFL), the NFL began airing NO MORE PSAs during football broadcasts, and 23 current and former players stepped up to participate in the “NFL players Say NO MORE” PSAs which were co-produced by the Joyful Heart Foundation and Viacom Velocity. The spots were directed by Hargitay and fellow actors Blair Underwood and Tate Donovan.

On Feb. 1, 2014, the NFL donated Super Bowl airtime for the first time to elevate domestic violence and sexual assault for more than 100 million viewers with the NO MORE Super Bowl PSA, which was created by the NFL and Grey Advertising.

Since the launch of the PSA campaign, we have reached an audience of 1.6 billion– online, in-print, and on TV–secured $45 million in donated air time and reached every single one of the 210 media markets in the United States.  The NO MORE print ads have appeared in publications from the Wall Street Journal to Vogue and Vanity Fair. And, they are popping up on billboards from Hollywood to the Midwest.